Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
