who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
