The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
