apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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