I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
