just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
