Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
