official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
