im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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