Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
