dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
