i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
operation harelip BJ is a go
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
