I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
