all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
