Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You can't special order awesome
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
