Plan B is the new Plan A
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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