I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
