is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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