My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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