i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
