covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
