We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
