My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
