she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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