You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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