Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
