one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
