I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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