it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
