He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
