i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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