so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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