I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
