If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
