Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
