Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
