I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
