yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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