hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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