I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im part way to drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
