Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
