we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
