Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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