im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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