Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
