the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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