They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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