that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it hurts more in the daytime
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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