THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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