I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
